Celebrity

Thanks to the spontaneous decision of some tuppenny ha’penny TV actress and a wastrel who happens to be sixth in line to the throne, I will spend the best day of my life hiding the fact that I’m incredibly pissed off.

MEGHAN Markle will show her commitment to Britain by carrying around an inflatable penis on her hen night.  

MEGHAN Markle has responded to media focus on her relatives by pointing out that the Windsors are way more messed up.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has outlived whatever purpose he once served and will be stuffed and kept in a glass case, it has been announced.

DONALD Trump has selflessly stepped in to replace Meghan Markle's father at her wedding this weekend. 

BRITAIN has been ordered to look at this delightful photograph and thank the Royal Family for existing.

A MAN is ready and waiting to share his supreme boredom at the forthcoming royal wedding as soon as it comes up.

RAPPER and dickhead Kanye West has claimed Cadbury’s Boost is the best chocolate bar of all time.

THE Duchess of Cambridge has wasted no time in getting a drink down her neck after nine months of being sober.

EVERYONE in Britain would be happy if David Attenborough and the Queen eventually became a couple, it has been confirmed.