Celebrity

HOLLYWOOD shone like a dazzling beacon of breathtaking glamour last night as a series of pathological narcissists made speeches about how important their pathetic jobs are.

THE ban on street brawling will be lifted temporarily for the royal wedding to allow celebratory fighting, it has been confirmed.

CHERYL Cole and Captain Steve Zodiac of Fireball XL-5 have been all over each in South Africa.

YOU would not believe the size of Billy Bragg's house, it emerged last night.

TOMMY Sheridan was today facing the prospect of endless three-in-a-bed sex sessions with a variety of eager new friends.

BRIAN Thompson, the Grantham butcher who set up a website, has been chosen as 'Man of the Year' by Butcher and Meat Wholesaler magazine.

LIZ Hurley has announced the imminent closure of her relationship with Shane Warne.

BRITAIN faced a fresh pop crisis last night after it emerged that X Factor favourite Cher Lloyd has been behaving like a teenage girl.

CHERYL Cole dismissed claims of racism last night, insisting it has been years since she physically attacked a black person.

TROUBLED actress Lindsay Lohan is still highly do-able despite all the drugs, doctors have conceded.