Celebrity

THE world's media last night set up camp outside Cheryl Cole's vagina amid mounting rumours it is about to be reactivated.

THE UNITED States has an institutional prejudice against manky old sods, Roman Polanski claimed last night.

THE sorcery holding Amanda Holden together is wearing off, it emerged yesterday.

ANIMAL rights protesters have condemned Adrian Chiles after footage showed him shouting 'half breed' at a frightened badger.

DRUGS belonging to deceased Beatle John Lennon are to be slightly re-vamped and then sold at exorbitant prices to obsessive, middle-aged Beatles fans.

HEATHER Mills considered Stu Sutcliffe standing with his back to the audience in a Hamburg strip club in order to hide his inability to play the guitar as the high point of the Beatles' career, an employment tribunal heard yesterday.

POP star Ricky Martin has ended years of speculation by confirming that he has a foot at the end of each of his legs.

BOHEMIAN not-singer Pete Doherty is now 98% pure crack cocaine, according to police.

MEN are still really trying to find the constantly-naked Lady Gaga attractive, it emerged last night.

THE estate of Michael Jackson has signed a record breaking contract and vowed not to spend it all on funfairs, hush money and giraffes.