Celebrity
THE royal baby is to be named Chunky, regardless of its gender, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed.
HARRY Potter author JK Rowling has been revealed as the enigmatic dubstep producer Burial.
AWARDING a knighthood to Andy Murray would be a bit pathetic, it has been confirmed.
THE announcement of a rival royal baby means that full-scale civil war is now inevitable.
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has designed a range of nuclear missiles for style-conscious governments.
SAILOR Popeye has admitted that his immense upper body strength is not the result of a spinach-heavy diet.
THE best thing about being monarch is the huge amount of money you get, the Queen has confirmed.