Celebrity

ABBEY Clancy and Peter Crouch were today devastated by the thought of a thief opening all their vulgar, over-priced Christmas gifts.

CNN last night said it had no recollection of who removed Piers Morgan's name from his designated parking space.

A BERNIE Ecclestone daughter is to front a new ITV2 series confronting anti-superficiality.

PLANS for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will include a speech of unimaginable filth.

PETE Doherty believes he shares his flat with a nine-foot meerkat and a talking sofa as well as the ghost of Amy Winehouse, it emerged last night.

BRITAIN is today awaiting the explanation of a Jeremy Clarkson sex partner.

TOP Gear lynchpin Jeremy Clarkson is to sue Ricky Gervais for trying to steal his personality.

THE new Celebrity Big Brother house has emerged like a glorious phoenix from England's shattered capital.

PRINCE William has continued creeping out the entire nation by giving his new wife a 1980s-style blonde wig.

THE Duke of Cambridge has abandoned his wife after bonding with an erotically-shaped coconut, it has emerged.