Business

Woman gets desirable job because of merit

A WOMAN has landed a sought-after job because of her ability rather than some complex network of personal connections.

Employer obeys employment law

BURGER restaurant Byron has been accused of acting in full accordance with UK immigration law.

Lloyds fires local branch staff who actually caused the financial crisis

LLOYDS Bank has disposed of 3,000 local bank workers who started the financial crisis from their roles behind counters.

Banks ‘could be forced to keep all your money’

BANKS are to introduce a policy of keeping all of their customers’ money for themselves, they have announced.

You'll get bored of all this soon and I’ll still be loaded, says Philip Green

SIR Philip Green has confirmed plans to ignore a few weeks of criticism for his role in the BHS collapse and still be rich at the end of it.

Company almost forgets to cover product with incredibly hard to remove stickers

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.

Dress-down Friday a total shitshow

THE hot weather has turned casual Friday in offices around the UK into a riot of inappropriate clothing, workers have confirmed.

Mike Ashley ‘just a huge Dickens fan’

SPORTS Direct boss Mike Ashley runs his business like a Victorian workhouse as a homage to his favourite writer Charles Dickens.

‘No, I am not in the f**king garden,’ says home worker

A MAN who works from home has reiterated for the eighth time today that he is not sitting in the garden.  

Miserable Osborne returns to life of cocaine and prostitutes

A DEJECTED George Osborne has returned to the empty parade of escort girls and drug abuse that made up his life before being chancellor.