Business

BRITAIN has asked retailers to cease their barrage of heartwarming Christmas adverts.

FACEBOOK has revealed plans to stop users telling lies about themselves.

THERE were joyful scenes in the offices of Wikipedia yesterday after the website received its first ever financial donation.

EVIL capitalist oppressors are furious after discovering workers will get 10 days off at Christmas while only taking three days' leave.

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

THE government has asked critics of the Olympic stadium deal with West Ham what they would have done with a f**king 80,000-seat stadium.

A MANAGER has identified one of his employees as having what it takes to work most weekends.

THE new 2017 pound coin will be a special ‘London pound’ worth less than half as much as the national version.

SHOPPERS at Asda are generally very angry people, it has emerged.

PATRIOTS have hailed the government’s secret Nissan deal as proof that when it comes to allowing multinational businesses to behave as they please, Britain again leads the world.