Business

BANKS are to introduce a policy of keeping all of their customers’ money for themselves, they have announced.

SIR Philip Green has confirmed plans to ignore a few weeks of criticism for his role in the BHS collapse and still be rich at the end of it.

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.

THE hot weather has turned casual Friday in offices around the UK into a riot of inappropriate clothing, workers have confirmed.

SPORTS Direct boss Mike Ashley runs his business like a Victorian workhouse as a homage to his favourite writer Charles Dickens.

A MAN who works from home has reiterated for the eighth time today that he is not sitting in the garden.  

A DEJECTED George Osborne has returned to the empty parade of escort girls and drug abuse that made up his life before being chancellor.

MORE than 800,000 front row seats to watch London’s property market collapse in April next year have already sold out.

THE Bank of England has decided now is the ideal time to treat yourself to something expensive to enjoy until it is repossessed.

THE UK’s exit from the EU means the welcome return of the thru’penny bit and the half-crown, it has been confirmed.