Sport

BRITAIN turned up for work today even though there is curling on the television.

THE Referee's Association is to make Howard Webb live in Bootle for three months.

MANUEL Pellegrini has warned Premier League rivals that eventually his side will start taking the competition seriously again.

JOSE Mourinho is preparing a metaphor so apt that Manchester City will be unable to defend against it.

EARTH'S gravitational field has been declared Overall Winner at the Winter Olympics.

CHELSEA'S team bus has demanded a transfer after being left out of the team facing Manchester City last weekend.

JOE Kinnear has left St James’ Park for the last time with a blank farewell card.

DISAPPOINTED Daniel Bryan fans have been told to pretend he turned up at Sunday's Royal Rumble.

CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.

A CONSORTIUM of United fans has bought a season ticket to throw onto the pitch in protest against David Moyes.