STEVEN Gerrard is responsible not only for Liverpools poor start to the season but all war, disease and famine, it has been claimed.
Researchers believe that the former England midfielders ability to lose possession and fall over at key moments is merely the outermost fringe of a massive favourable outcome vacuum.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: He is a jinx on a global scale.
Whether its a half-witted attempt to head the ball that sets up a calamitous goal or a hurricane on the other side of the planet, all bad occurrences stem from Gerrard.”
The solution to what the UN has labelled the G factor is not immediately apparent.
A UN spokesman said: We cant nuke him as its not really his fault. Perhaps he could be locked away in a lead box buried deep within the earth.
Give him some football magazines and a torch to read them by, meanwhile all war will cease and the sun shine brightly forever.
