Sport

EARTH'S gravitational field has been declared Overall Winner at the Winter Olympics.

CHELSEA'S team bus has demanded a transfer after being left out of the team facing Manchester City last weekend.

JOE Kinnear has left St James’ Park for the last time with a blank farewell card.

DISAPPOINTED Daniel Bryan fans have been told to pretend he turned up at Sunday's Royal Rumble.

CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.

A CONSORTIUM of United fans has bought a season ticket to throw onto the pitch in protest against David Moyes.

GARY Neville as been arrested for attempting to scale David Moyes's garden fence while carrying a gun.

FOOTBALL clubs are being advised to get their ill-advised transfer window panic buys in early before the rush.

DAVID Moyes has been advised by his predecessor to boost Manchester United's league position by getting more goals.

SAM Allardyce is losing £20,000 a day after spread betting on when he will get fired.