Sport

ANDY Murray has been scripted to finally win the only tennis tournament that actually counts.

NEWCASTLE United's Director of Football plans to reshape the team formation to all chasing after the ball at once.

CHELSEA cleaning staff are still hosing down their press room after Jose Mourinho met reporters yesterday.

DOZENS of footballers have been spotted loitering around Real Madrid’s ground touting for business.

A FURIOUS protest over badges suggests Everton fans may not be normal.

DAVID Beckham continued to play professional football from time to time after leaving Manchester United, it has emerged.

NEW Manchester United manager David Moyes has spent the last 24 hours reassuring himself that this is not going to be an unmitigated catastrophe.

BRITAIN faces the prospect of yet another unemployed, angry Scottish person at large.