Sport

MANCHESTER United's new boss Louis van Gaal has slammed the quality of the booze left behind by Sir Alex Ferguson.

WINNING at football requires eleven good players, experts have confirmed.

FOOTBALL fans and pundits have expressed relief that World Cup discussion can focus on joyless efficiency.

BEING beaten by Britain in a military conflict is the secret to winning the World Cup, it has been claimed.

CYCLIST Chris Froome has been turned off, left for 30 seconds and turned back on again.

CHRIS Froome has snatched the lead in the Tour de France after successfully elbowing his way to the front of the Eurostar queue.

BRITAIN has enjoyed its most polite day of sport since records began. 

DAVID Moyes has gone, but who will replace him in the toughest job in the world of the football?

DAVID Moyes is being fired so hard he will have to take on two full-time jobs just to be unemployed.

SIR Alex Ferguson is to auction off his extensive collection of human skulls.