Sport

NK MARIBOR has finally put an end to Celtic's Champions League campaign by removing its players' heads and burning their remains.

FOLLOWING the successful example of MK Dons, Manchester United is to set up in the same town under the name MK Mancs.

MANCHESTER United has banned all spectators because they're putting off the players.

MARIO Balotelli has assured the Liverpool management that he has all the equipment he needs.

ARSENAL’S poor performance against Besiktas has been blamed on the rigours of playing football for nearly a fortnight.

PREMIER League referee Chris Foy faces an investigation after using vanishing spray to push party guests back 10 yards.

MANCHESTER United has made Wayne Rooney its new captain as reward for his unswerving dedication to the club.

JOSE Mourinho’s Chelsea will be the plucky minnows when they visit newly promoted Burnley.

GLENN Hoddle believes that signing to QPR will result in his getting a regular midfield run-out.

CELTIC has invented a fictional hero to take credit for the three goals it never scored.