Sport

EVERY team in the Premier League has given up trying to win the title after only four games.

TOTTENHAM Hotspur is to play all home games next season on the internet while work on a new stadium is completed.

THAT Tom Cleverley is such a nice young man, according to your mum.

ENGLAND fans have questioned whether it was really necessary for the team to score goals to win matches.

FOOTBALL fan sites are awash with rumours that England might be playing a match this evening.

ENGLAND players have hit back at their critics insisting they are simply not very good at football.

AFTER a summer of frenzied activity, football agents have returned to their slumber on huge piles of money.

NOTHING would have induced me to flee to Manchester, not even £16m.

THE closing of the football transfer window has been made a public holiday, because no work gets done that day anyway.

ARSENE Wenger has reluctantly re-introduced calcium to his team's diet after Olivier Giroud broke a tibia.