A 21 year-old woman has managed to link every event of the last week to her backpacking trip to Thailand.

Since arriving back at Heathrow wearing a traditional pha nung dress, Emma Bradford, has exclusively referenced the culture and lifestyle of South-East Asia.

Friend Tom Logan said: “She didn’t say hello, she said ‘wai’. I should have ended the friendship there and then.

“Before we even got back to Clapham she’d given us a flawed history of Thailand from 1800 to the present day. She had clearly developed a strong misunderstanding of Buddhism.

“Then she said my Fiat Punto didn’t have the romance of a tuk-tuk and claimed Hammersmith Broadway reminded her of the great temple of Wat Arun.

“Apparently she’s a completely different person now, which is understandable given that she was away for three weeks.”

Bangkok cafe owner, Chavalit Sawan, said: “I remember her screaming about how a proper British policeman would’ve caught the scumbag who snatched her camera.”