Sport

Mourinho begins work at small provincial estate agents

JOSE Mourinho has joined an estate agents in Doncaster, pledging to 'dominate' the South Yorkshire property market.

Mourinho only 47 scapegoats away from blaming himself

CHELSEA boss Jose Mourinho is beginning to run out of people to blame for his side’s catastrophic title defence.

Weekly five-a-side game ruined by man who can play football

A FIVE-A-SIDE football match has been marred by the presence of a man who is able to control the ball and shoot.

Tyson Fury ‘a delight’ at dinner party

BOXER Tyson Fury has charmed guests at a dinner party with his sparkling wit and progressive opinions.

Man United cracks down on fans smuggling sudoku into Old Trafford

MANCHESTER United has pledged to stop fans smuggling puzzles, games and books into Old Trafford to keep them occupied during matches.

Liverpool fans braced for months of futile optimism

LIVERPOOL fans are gearing themselves up for six months of ultimately pointless optimism.

Tennis fans on Pimm’s rampage

BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and demanding plate after plate of olives.

Man best at punching

A 27-YEAR-OLD man has won the World Punching Competition.

Leicester’s secret is not playing any good teams

THE KEY to Leicester City’s success is to avoid playing anyone decent, it has been confirmed.

Safety conscious cyclists sticking to pavement

CAREFUL bicycle users are increasingly using the pavement as a way to avoid the dangers of the road.