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Oscar and Diego Costa still trying to land a punch on each other

DIEGO Costa and Oscar have been involved in a training ground fight lasting over two days.

The Chelsea players have been desperately trying to land a blow on each other in a bid to end the fight, but have so far been unable to find their target.

Coach Roy Hobbs said: “Occasionally they’ll fall to the ground clutching their faces and roll around for a bit.

“I even tried to show them where they were going wrong by repeatedly belting John Terry in the mouth. I kept going for half an hour before anyone said anything.

“Anyway, they’re still out there, feebly wafting their fists at each other.”

Manager Guus Hiddink tried to play down the situation by claiming they were both trying to shoo away a wasp.

Hobbs added: “We might put one of them out on loan to end the fight as it’ll make it a nice, even 100 players we currently aren’t using.”

Last man to still use the phrase 'having it off' dies

THE last man in the UK to describe sexual intercourse as ‘having it off’ has died, aged 78.

Norman Steele, from Berkhamsted, was using the phrase right up to the very end, employing it in a suggestive quip he made to a nurse on his deathbed.

The nurse was described by Steele as ‘busty’ and probably a ‘bit of a goer’ with whom he would have enjoyed a ‘spot of slap and tickle’, or ‘legover’.

Known for wearing a white hat, a mauve shirt and yellow cravat and never having a girlfriend in his life, Steele was nonetheless not a homosexual, or in any way inclined towards what he referred to as ‘the honky-tonk’.

However, Martin Bishop, his next door neighbour of 30 years said: “Norman was always very upfront and open about other people’s possible homosexuality.

“If he saw anyone he suspected of being ‘one of them, which was most men after the year 1972, he would immediately call out ‘Coee!!’ or ‘Oo, ducky!’ with no thought for his own safety.”

 

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