Sport

WEST Ham striker Andy Carroll has returned from injury but has been asking teammates elementary questions about football.

ENGLAND fans have celebrated Wayne Rooney's record-breaking 50th goal with chants explaining why it isn't a big deal.

ANDY Murray is now just two early grand slam exits away from not winning Wimbledon in 2013.

A MAN with no obvious signs of Welsh heritage has positioned a Welsh dragon cuddly toy on his desk, it has been noted.

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.

FOOTBALLERS are being encouraged to open up about being offside.

JOHN Terry's ego has been hauled out to sea to be broken up.

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.