Sport

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.

ENGLAND cricket fans spent yesterday evening wandering around Nottingham in a daze.

FOOTBALL fans around the country are marking the day of the year when they say that Arsenal ‘must finally deliver’.

BRITONS have lethargically picked the Fantasy Football team that will keep them entertained for a fortnight before being forgotten about.

SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.

EDGBASTON will stay open until 7pm today so England cricket fans can get mortal.

CHELSEA manager Jose Mourinho's intricate, enigmatic mind games moved up another level when he called Rafa Benitez fat yesterday.

SOME children in a park have offered to take Sergio Ramos, if Real Madrid agrees to take a chunky boy in wellies and Dean’s little brother who’s got asthma.

TOUR de France winner Chris Froome has been surprised by how much champagne tastes like urine.