Sport

Transfer saga concludes with transfer Ragnarok

THE protracted tale of Christian Benteke's move to Liverpool has ended with the death of the transfer gods and the immersion of the world in water.

Tour de France reaches infamous wine tasting stage

A THIRD of riders in the Tour de France are missing after the gruelling wine-and-cheese stage of the race.

Ranieri being very vague about new job, say friends

EX-CHELSEA boss Claudio Ranieri is being unusually evasive when asked which team he will be managing next season.

Manchester police hunt Northern Irish con artist

POLICE in Manchester have warned football managers to be vigilant following a daring swindle yesterday. 

Joe Root bidding to become that one cricketer you’ve heard of

ENGLAND batsman Joe Root is making an audacious bid to be recognisable to normal people.

Sterling’s sick note actually bank statement

LIVERPOOL star Raheem Sterling has presented the club with documentation of his bank balance to excuse his absence from training.

We’ve all f**ked up at some point, Britain tells Bassett

BRITONS are confessing their cock-ups in a show of solidarity with footballer Laura Bassett.

Sacked Pearson swears revenge on ostriches

AXED Leicester City manager Nigel Pearson has blamed a "shadowy ostrich cabal" for his dismissal.

Man with some knowledge of tennis simply insufferable

A MAN who knows about tennis from watching it semi-regularly is really making the most of it.

Wimbledon provides welcome distraction from end of world

WIMBLEDON fortnight has begun amid sunshine and the imminent collapse of everything.