Sport

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

Of all the painters with 'van' in their name, the most gifted is unquestionably Van Morrison.

FOOTBALLERS are being encouraged to open up about being offside.

JOHN Terry's ego has been hauled out to sea to be broken up.

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

FOOTBALL fans have decided exactly how everything in their lives will develop over the next nine months.

ENGLAND cricket fans spent yesterday evening wandering around Nottingham in a daze.

FOOTBALL fans around the country are marking the day of the year when they say that Arsenal ‘must finally deliver’.

BRITONS have lethargically picked the Fantasy Football team that will keep them entertained for a fortnight before being forgotten about.

SPORT is an entirely negative influence on humanity, it has been confirmed.