Politics

BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Dominic Raab’s pathetic failure.

RORY Stewart is an active MI6 agent currently in deep cover in an extreme right-wing group planning to devastate Britain, sources have revealed.

ARE you a f*ck-up to your very core, like certain figures in the national spotlight presently, but keen to mask it as hapless buffoonery?

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted to a huge 'man-crush' on Conservative leadership candidate Rory Stewart. 

BRITAIN has reluctantly agreed that it is our turn to elect a hilariously vain d*ckhead.

BORIS Johnson’s incessant flow of bullsh*t is perfect for Brexit negotiations, it has been claimed.

THE Conservative leadership race will today shed a few of its more useless, hapless and hopeless f*ckers, the Tories have promised.

HAVE you been invited to a cocaine party but are worried you won’t know what to do? Here Michael Gove explains all you need to know.

BORIS Johnson has confirmed that only a f**king halfwit would support no-deal Brexit and he is that man.

THE ten candidates to become prime minister have been sent to a country house to be picked off one by one by whichever of them is secretly the killer.