Politics

AFTER Theresa May’s resignation the next prime minister could be Boris Johnson or Michael Gove, resulting in years of dreadful bullshit. Here’s how to get through it.

HAVE you spent three years accusing anyone who’s ever been to France of being a traitor, but now realise you’ll be destitute by summer if we leave?

JACOB Rees-Mogg has shocked critics by reversing his long-held position that the Thirteen Colonies of the US must be retaken by Britain.

EVERY last living person in Britain has promised to do everything Theresa May asks of them the moment that she resigns.

A GANG of elderly rich white men are just about ready to step in and sort out this mess that was definitely not the fault of any elderly rich white men.

THE prime minister has contacted Parliament with an innovative and fresh idea of how to take Brexit forward that she would just love them to consider.

SENIOR Conservatives have regretfully realised a referendum on capital punishment would probably have served the same purpose as Brexit.

A NO-DEAL Brexit will be a doddle because a Tory MP with a balloon for a head has served in the Territorial Army, it has been confirmed.  

A PLANNED Brexit Mount Rushmore to be carved into the white cliffs of Dover will feature Nigel Farage, Elizabeth Hurley, Jim Davidson and Ian Botham.

THE Brexit march has reached an imaginary Brexit town where all their dreams about leaving the EU have come true.