Politics

AFTER dodging the Heathrow vote by visiting Afghanistan, Boris Johnson has arranged to be temporarily kidnapped by extra-terrestrials when the Brexit deal is confirmed.

BREXIT is such a massive fuck up that Theresa May is quitting politics for a less stressful life working in Aldi.

PRESIDENT Trump has invited Vladimir Putin to come with him to Britain when he visits next month because he “knew we wouldn’t mind”.

FORMER Tory leader William Hague believes that the UK can get through Brexit fine as long as it remains 'high as shit' throughout.

THE Universal Credit system was always intended to be non-functional or people might use it to get money to live, the government has explained.

THE Brexit bill coming to the Commons this afternoon will definitely end up being a terrible betrayal of someone, MPs have agreed. 

BORIS Johnson has assured the public that he says ill-thought-out, inflammatory nonsense quite openly, so there is no need to secretly record him.

DAVID Davis plans to halt publication of the government’s Brexit white paper by using his SAS experience to swing through a window on a rope.

THE government is to impose minimum 10-year sentences on anyone attempting to blame police cuts for rising crime, it has announced. 

HEATHROW’S controversial third runway is vital for the forthcoming exodus from this arsed-up country, government officials have confirmed.