THE office Christmas party has been booked for the third circle of hell this year, Marie from accounts has announced. 

The all-office email says that most Earthly venues were booked up or asking ridiculous amounts, but that the underworld offered a sit-down meal and disco afterwards on just the right date for a very reasonable price.

The email continued: “I’ve never been before but it’s got some very famous patrons (Judas, Hitler, Satan himself!) and they’ve got vegetarian options which are apparently important to some people.

“All the food’s flame-grilled on the eternal burning souls of the damned – sounds delicious! – and there’s a Michael Jackson impersonator then Saturday Night Fever 70s disco. Let’s all have a great time!!!”

Colleague Martin Bishop said: “I mean at least we know it’s in hell. Like the whole ‘abandon hope’ thing’s literally on the door as you go in.

“And apparently there’s a great strip club right next door in the second circle with Helen of Troy and Cleopatra and Mata Hari, so it saves on an Uber.”