EVERYTHING in Britain, from trees to lozenges, has its place in the class system. But is your dog the same social class as you, or does it look like that because it’s constantly sneering? Find out below:
CORGI
The Queen’s dogs, these pampered princes strut around baffled as to why they live in your pauper’s cottage. Pretend they’re not with you if off the lead. Consider it an honour for you to pick up their shit.
PUG
Squat, ugly and pedigree, pugs are the curtain-twitching middle-class Daily Mail readers of the canine world, stumping around your house judging you for your liquid soap dispenser, your big television and your dusty pelmets.
COCKAPOO
Arriviste social climbers unaware of how gauche they are, this breed rejects antique furniture and 17th century farmhouses in favour of a brand new Wimpey home where the kitchen’s replaced every four years. Doesn’t understand why anyone lives any other way.
ALSATIAN
Basically security guards. Likes pornography and a copy of the Puzzler. Would join the police but their mate down the lamppost says they’re only hiring foreign dogs now. As working class as it gets.
LABRADOR
Traditionally a working dog, but thanks to being kept as a pet it is unable to work and just sits at home, watching daytime TV, with no pride left. It is a member of the underclass and attempted to vote for Brexit.
MIXED BREED
Has the eating habits of the working classes, the taste in television of the working classes, likes the same art as the upper classes, has no firm idea where it sits in the class system, tries to get on with everyone, is basically you.
