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Politics

Please don’t make me be Prime Minister, begs Corbyn

JEREMY Corbyn has pleaded with Britain not to make him the prime minister under any circumstances.

Driver who asked Theresa May for directions 'wishing he was dead'

A DRIVER who took a wrong turn said he bitterly regrets asking directions from a woman who turned out to be the prime minister.

Rees-Mogg launches steampunk revolution

JACOB Rees-Mogg is to take over Britain at the head of a steampunk army.

Government's Fake News Unit 'like A-Team but in big red bus with lie written on side of it'

If there's an afterlife Theresa May is getting the shit haunted out of her, say experts

IF life after death is real then Theresa May is going to get haunted to shit, experts have predicted.

PFI ripping you off exactly as intended, say experts

THE Private Finance Initiative is ripping you off in precisely the way it was designed to, experts have confirmed.

'Vasectomies for the poor' has been Tory policy for 184 years, confirm historians

THE Conservative Party has been committed to sterilising poor people since it was founded in 1834, historians have confirmed.

Carillion collapse means we'll be cranking up the old austerity again, says May

THE prime minister has confirmed that the Carillion collapse means she will have to give the austerity lever a few more good hard pulls. 

Government powerless to intervene in non-banking industries

THE government has confirmed there is absolutely nothing it can do to save non-London-based industries.

UKIP leader to focus on slightly less racist swimwear models who are into older men

THE leader of UKIP has pledged that his next 25-year-old girlfriend will not be as obviously racist.