Society
Lots of lazy bastards have jobs
THOUSANDS of bone idle people have full-time paid employment, it has emerged.
Clever people obsessively bored with royal baby
SELF-STYLED clever people cannot stop expressing their indifference to the royal offspring, it has emerged.
Happiness caused by things you're not actually involved in
HAPPINESS is the result of things that actually have nothing to do with you, it has emerged.
Atheists still not that keen on Scouts
ATHEISTS are still not that keen on socialising with people who were in the Scouts, it has emerged.
Excitement as worthless things made slightly cheaper
THINGS with no value have been fractionally reduced in price, making them exciting.
Men warned that moustache truce is over
MOUSTACHE owners are once again 'fair game', according to thugs.
Language evolving but not in a good way
ENGLISH is evolving in the wrong direction thanks to text messaging and social media.
Jesus to get percentage of Christmas sales revenue
IN a landmark legal ruling, Jesus will receive 2.4% of total UK present sales revenue.