Society

THE Duke of Cambridge's '30 things to do before you're 30' list gives him less than 24 hours to have a threesome, it has emerged.

FATHERS are demanding an end to Father's Day, after they were forced to leave their gardens to awkwardly receive a token gift.

A SMALL number of English people are not responding correctly to football, it has emerged.

THE purchase of a camper van will not make your life meaningful or free, it has emerged.

MOST people assumed to be internet trolls genuinely believe their hateful, demented statements, it has been claimed.

THE Church of England has announced that its new core purpose is running 'laser tag' games.

ENGLISH pubs will become the worst places in the world later today, it has been claimed.

BRITAIN has been warned to wind down its jubilee partying, with many celebrants now having been seven nights without sleep.

MEMBERS of the royal family are gutted to be back at their desks after a four-day break, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons turned out for the Queen's four-day celebrations, undaunted by the 500-foot mutant squid that was destroying London.