Society

BORIS Johnson has unveiled his newest idea that could not possibly go wrong.

MOLESKINE notebooks are perfect for creative projects that will never be completed, according to aspiring writers.

ANY person with a job is to be given a gold object and lots of attention, it has emerged.

EVERY chocolate bar invented since the Wispa has been either uninspired or disgusting, it has emerged.

A NEW smartphone app combines geolocation and the paranormal to show all the ghosts in your vicinity.

KIDS are dreadful regardless of whether they have had sugar, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S homeless people are to be eaten by imported carnivores, it has emerged.

HARRIET Harman and the Daily Mail are two sides of the same unbearable coin, experts have confirmed.

A CONSPIRACY theory outlined by office worker Tom Logan was fine until it edged into anti-Semitism, according to his colleagues.

PRE-TEENS have confirmed they detest their father's music, especially The Pixies.