Society

THE Archbishop of Canterbury has given thanks to Jesus, who gave his life so that we could have not just a Monday off work but a Friday too.

MILLIONS of men are about to pretend a shaving accident caused them to remove their beard.

HIPPY parents will be giving their children drab, joyless dairy-free Easter eggs again this year, it has been confirmed.

BRITONS are currently either away or brimming with resentment, it has emerged.

TAPAS-TYPE meals are proof that the concept of sharing is overrated, it has been claimed.

CREATING an aspirational street food brand is one of a series of new scouting badges, it has been confirmed.

BRITONS who prefer weekends without expensive social obligations have opposed gay and straight marriage.

A MAN who looks like he travelled here in a brass time machine actually works in marketing, it has been confirmed.

INFANTS cry at night because they are little bastards, according to new research.

ANYONE who owns a pet snake is secretly begging for someone to stop them, psychologists have agreed.