Society

Britain thanks Alastair Campbell for his apology

BRITAIN has welcomed Alastair Campbell’s apology for destroying journalism.

Media mourns death of last shockable person

THE media has expressed grief at the death of the last Briton capable of being shocked by newspaper articles and TV programmes.

Hilarious exam howlers destroy kids' dreams

A NEW book showcases the side-splitting exam mistakes that have ended the hopes and dreams of children.

Women impressed by men who condemn their taste in music

WOMEN have confirmed that nothing gets them hotter than men vigorously criticising the music they listen to.

Britain mourns man who actually knew what he was talking about

BRITAIN is today mourning one of the tiny handful of people in the country who had genuine knowledge and insight about an actual thing.

Wood burning stove brings authenticity to middle class man's life

THE purchase of a wood burning stove means that a middle class man's life is no longer superficial.

Audiophiles luring youngsters into boring conversations

PARENTS have been warned about audiophiles targeting young people for dull chats about hi-fi.

Lonely man seizes opportunity to carve face into vegetable

SOCIALLY isolated Tom Logan is celebrating being able to make a 'vege-wife' without being labelled insane.

Children evil

CHILDREN'S love of Halloween proves that they are innately evil, it has been claimed.

Teenagers to be educated by historically accurate porn

ONLINE pornography must have detailed historical settings, according to new government guidelines.