Society

INDIVIDUALS who achieve useful things have no interest in looking or smelling good, it has been confirmed.

LONDON’S Victoria tube line is once again full of people whose lives are solidifying slowly into a large grey slab.

THE 'citizen's arrest' is just a plot device from 80s TV series The Dukes of Hazzard, it has emerged.

YOUNG people have begun leaving Facebook in the hope of finding a better virtual life elsewhere.

CRIME will continue to fall as long as benefits remain too generous, according to right-wingers who don’t know what they want anymore.

THE police could soon deploy maximised hydration techniques to stop concerted indiscipline by Britain’s social stakeholders.

PEOPLE living with their parents are dreading having to make their own way in the world, it has emerged.

THE overall concept of fancy dress is offensive to adult humans, it has been claimed.

BETROTHED homosexuals are to use their magical flood-creating powers to bring new life to desert regions.

ED Miliband has pledged to rebuild middle class confidence with free After Eight mints.