Society

THE government is to make all towns more like the capital, with an increase in hostility and chicken shops.

WOMEN have called for an end to advertisements that show party preparation as a fun female bonding activity.

TRADITIONALISTS are in uproar after it emerged that the new plastic banknotes will carry Hitler's image.

TOY shops are to stop under-18s from buying their goods so they can go to collectors who properly appreciate them.

THE commission studying London’s airport needs has been urged to consider no airports at all.

PEOPLE now in their 30s will spend their retirement fleeing from government robots programmed to kill old people.

BRITONS are having to visit neighbours because they have their Amazon stuff.

A 28-YEAR-OLD man had admitted preferring sexual intercourse with his partner to looking at porn on the internet.

ENGLISH people will continue to receive benefits even if they make no attempt to speak, read or write in English.

THE UK's students have arrived home to get their parents' internet working and end long-term relationships.