Society

REACHING physical maturity is no longer the same as growing up, it has emerged.

SCOOTER-RIDING youngsters have made pavements no-go areas for pedestrians, it has emerged.

HUMAN existence is all about being better than everyone else, according to God.

ADVERTS which portray family meals as happy affairs are misleading, it has been claimed.

POLICE have warned the public to stay indoors until the post-Grand Theft Auto V murder spree has subsided.

CLOWNS have spoken out to confirm their malice and wickedness.

MILLIONS of Britons will soon exist in a daily cycle of work, pub, drunk tank.

POLICE are trying to trace the recipient of a card signed by an estimated 5,000,000 workers across the UK.

BRITAIN'S womanisers have begun targeting Grand Theft Auto V widows.

MOST Britons are good-natured morons rather than unpleasant bigots, research has revealed.