Society

CRYPTANALYSTS at Britain's spy HQ are devoting most of their resources to cracking personalised number plates.

ELDERLY people cannot say chorizo without inserting a 't' sound, it has emerged.

THE act of shedding tears has been made emotionally meaningless by The X Factor.

A NEW body styled as the UK's FBI will focus on werewolves, ghosts and other aspects of the supernatural.

LOWER-EARNING parents want to be able to send their kids away like rich people do.

TATTOO parlours will be made to use designs that accurately reflect their recipients under new guidelines.

THE Tories are facing a massive fall in public support after their slogan 'For Hardworking People' excluded almost everyone.

THE majority of so-called people are in fact sasquatches.

EVERYONE else is having a better time than you, it has emerged.

THE Daily Mail hates Britain and everyone in it, experts have confirmed.