BRITISH people are to receive coaching in how to split up with each other.
January is the most popular month for separation, but experts believe Britons are unable to end a relationship without being completely weird about it.
Government relationship advisor Donna Sheridan said: Many couples lack basic splitting up skills. For example, when a relationship ends its a good idea to stop having sex with each other while crying snotty tears.
Similarly, its more important to discuss issues like child custody or dividing up valuable joint assets than screaming at each other over who gets to keep a CD of Crocodile Shoes by Jimmy Nail.
The etiquette of splitting up is equally confused. If you split up with someone, its better to actually tell them, rather than just unfriending them on Facebook and sleeping with their best friend.
And after breaking up with someone, its also more productive to start looking for a new partner instead of murdering them, burning your house down and hanging yourself in some woods.
Office worker Tom Logan said: When I split up with my girlfriend Julie, I decided the best way to come to terms with it was to post vile misogynistic comments on internet forums.
That didnt really help, so I got drunk and smashed up a phone box. Strangely, needing 14 stitches in my hand did not heal my broken heart either.
Teaching assistant Nikki Hollis said: I find the best way to split up with someone is to spring it on them completely out of the blue, ideally during an expensive holiday.
