Science & Technology

HOVERCRAFTS are mental, it has emerged.

SCIENTISTS are to map the DNA of everyone in Britain in a bid to find out why so many of you are dreadful.

AN exciting new piece of technology is nowhere near ready and will never come into widespread use.

FALLING iPad sales have confirmed that the computer fad is now over.

BRITAIN’S insecure, attention-seeking climate has been told to get a grip.

THE prime minister has announced that £1.1 billion is to be spent creating a major British superhero.

EIGHTEEN workers have died after a USB stick was removed from a computer without adequate precautions.

CHIMP researchers have discovered a lexicon of 66 gestures, 54 of which are jokes at the expense of Sir David Attenborough.

GOVERNMENT agencies have been advised that 98% of internet traffic is breasts and shopping.

FLIES have admitted the universe contains a substance which light can pass through but they cannot.