Science & Technology

THE World Wildlife Fund has moved Windows XP to its endangered list, meaning that its life and habitats are protected by law.

LIKE the ancient Egyptian city of Tanis, the south east of England is, at last, being wiped clean by the wrath of God.

LONG-RANGE weather forecasting is impossible because of the chaos theory, according to office worker Tom Logan.

PEOPLE living in rural areas can only have the internet of 1999, the government has announced.

THE prestigious Emoji awards have given the emoji that most resembles a dick the top prize for the third year in a row.

CROWS are as intelligent as children and far less hassle to look after, it has been claimed.

FRUIT companies have misled the public into thinking fat and processed sugar are bad, it has emerged.

VIEWERS of Channel 4's Live From Space have lost their minds after experiencing the incomprehensible vastness of the universe.

EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS have as little enthusiasm for coming to Earth as we do for visiting elderly relatives, it has been claimed.

THE Brendan Fraser film Journey to the Center of the Earth depicts real events, it has been confirmed.