Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS have finally confirmed that life on Mars will be crappy little bacteria with no ray guns.  

A HOMEWORKER is to get up at 6am to switch on her fucking laptop so it will be ready to use by about half-eight.

FACEBOOK’S ‘on this day’ feature exists solely to remind you that you used to be an embarrassing arse, it has been confirmed.

A MIDDLE-AGED man has taken time out from glancing constantly at his phone to complain about the younger generation being fixated with theirs.

CHILDREN deliberately hold in all their piss until they are in a restaurant, car or swimming pool, it has been confirmed.

THERE is no way to end an email that does not make you sound like a bit of a twat, it has been confirmed.

CLICKBAIT is incredibly hard to resist due to its clever psychological trickery and you being a gullible twat. Here’s our guide so you don’t have to click on it.

A FRUIT machine in a Hull pub never wanted to end up like this, it has admitted.

A MUM whose son won’t shut the fuck up about Minecraft is considering ripping her own ears off to make it stop.

ARE you quite old and find computers baffling and terrifying? Don’t worry - our guide will tell you everything you need to know.