Lifestyle

FROM starting out enthusiastically to wondering if the best solution is just to burn the house down, here are all the stages in having a spring clear-out.

HEADING down the pub? Just make sure you don’t go to any of these hellish watering holes.

ARE you a middle-class ponce with a property portfolio? Check off this list of things you undoubtedly already own.

EQUALITY has come such a long way that women barely need to worry their pretty little heads about it anymore. They can even say and do these things that men aren’t allowed to.

HAVE you suffered all your life from being a bit of a nerd? Here are the childhood influences that condemned you to a life of dorkiness.

IS your home full of possessions that might be off-putting to a potential partner? Here are some items you should definitely hide before they come over.

HAS some knobhead just dropped ‘Occam’s razor’ into conversation and then given you a supercilious glance? Here’s what they meant.

YOU have accommodated for my every possible need, yet still I whine. Why? The answer is not so simple, human one.

THINK you’re a sophisticated adult? Then how come you still haven’t left behind these things that are clearly meant for young people, you massive overgrown child?

WERE you ever close to being a trendy and popular person or have you always been an awkward loser? Deep down you already know the answer, but double-check with our quiz.