Lifestyle

DO your in-laws think you’re too common for their beloved offspring? Here are some subtle ways they’ll let you know.

A MAN who has donned shorts for the summer months has been reminded how much urine spashes back from urinals and toilets.

A COUPLE expecting their first child have discovered every potential baby name has been ruined by some freaky bastard one of them has met.

A CAT that spends 18 hours a day asleep on an armchair is in no need of an additional eight lives, observers have confirmed.

A woman who has been wearing a bra for 17 years still has absolutely no idea what size she is.

FANCY the seaside but fear being surrounded by common plebs? Middle-class person Nathan Muir explains how to avoid them.

THE human brain is a complex organ capable of amazing things. Unfortunately all yours does is retain this utterly useless trivia.

SOME things in life are clearly disgusting, like racism or Michael Gove jogging. But some things we like to pretend aren’t. Such as these:

THE furlough scheme starts winding down today, meaning the end of 15 months of being paid for doing f**k all. But how did you squander the opportunity of a lifetime? 

THERE is nothing more annoying than lying awake in bed wide awake because your brain won’t shut the f**k up. You’re probably thinking about some of these things...