A WOMAN just back from Majorca has confirmed she will spend the remainder of the year going on about it to everyone.
Donna Sheridan is making clear to everyone she meets that she, for one, was not reduced to holidaying in a remote corner of Northumberland like a f**king peasant.
She continued: “I spent the money, I took the risk, it paid off and I will be lording it over everyone for the next eight months minimum.
“Obviously I’ll only relentlessly bring up my holiday as a natural part of the conversation. For example if you say ‘I’m worried about traffic’ I’ll reply ‘I left all my worries behind when I flew out to Majorca, the pornstar martinis by the pool were amazing!’
“I took enough pictures to keep my Instagram boastful right through December, legs by the beach, selfies in sunnies, yoga at sunrise, all that shit. Hashtags #blessed and #itwasworthit.
“It’s so satisfying that we spent a fortnight enjoying artisanal ice-creams in Mediterranean heat while you trudged miles in the rain for a Solero. And I achieved it by simply ignoring all guidelines while casually spending money I might not get back.
“The holiday was shit. I broke my phone dropping it down the steps of some shitty old temple and argued with Nathan the whole time. But it was so worth it.”
