International

NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.

DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.

PRESIDENT Trump has warned that the future of Western civilisation stands in the balance if it continues to elect people like him. 

THE US has challenged North Korea to launch a nuclear strike on Alaska to see if they even notice. 

TOP economists have urged the government to consider shooting bundles of £50 notes into the sea as an alternative to a no-deal Brexit.

DONALD Trump has employed theoretical physicists to create infinite lines of taste and decency he can eventually cross.

BREXIT secretary David Davis is on his way home from Brussels after Google abolished the European Union.

THE DUP is to get £1bn of taxpayers money to spend on very large paintings of fat men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

ALL of David Davis’ Brexit talks have been with a random Belgian man he mistook for EU negotiator Michel Barnier, it has emerged.

EU CITIZENS have been told if they can manage five consecutive years in the twat factory that is Britain, they can stay for life.