International

ICELANDIC singer Bjork is flying to France to kick Cristiano Ronaldo’s arse, police have confirmed.

PEOPLE of different races, creeds and sexual orientations all think Donald Trump is a f**ker, it has emerged.

THE next president of America will be either partially or completely insane, it has been confirmed.

BUILDING the longest tunnel in the world proves that Switzerland is a sexy and desirable nation, says the country’s president.

A CONSPIRACY theorist, UFO nut and street-ranter has surprised everyone by being a fervent supporter of the In campaign.

EXPATRIATES who cannot participate in the EU referendum have vowed to give their children detailed instructions on how to vote.

AUSTRIAN voters have rejected fascism by a landslide margin of over half a percent.

THE Labour Party in Scotland has finished ninth behind a party promising more human sacrifices.

DONALD Trump is continuing to stress how intelligent he is, while finding increasingly inarticulate ways of doing of so.

SCOTTISH Nationalists have reacted with fury to a new bank note design that does not demand independence.