Food

A WOMAN is staring at a steaming mug of tea in front of her, wondering if she made it and if not who the hell did.

A MAN has accidentally made enough spaghetti for himself for dinner to feed his entire neighbourhood.

AN absolute maniac has been seen putting a banana in their rucksack completely unprotected before then heading off to work.

A WOMAN who shuns all meat and dairy products apart from eggs has a special term for her particular form of food weirdness.

A MAN without much personality has decided to compensate by constantly telling people how into meat he is.

EXPERTS have agreed that it is best for everyone if we neither think about nor acknowledge what cheese actually is.

A WOMAN has been under the delusion she was friends with an upper middle-class couple only to discover they just like eating olives.

SMALL plates should never have been allowed and must stop now, restaurants have been told.

BRITAIN’S men are feeling oppressed by having to order steaks with loads of blood in order to look manly.

A MAN has asked his daughter, who has been a vegetarian since she was 15 and is now 30, if she is “still not eating meat”.