Food

A guide to McDonald's for Rutland residents

THE county of Rutland is the last in the UK to get a McDonald’s, but are its residents ready? Fit in with this guide to the New World fine dining experience.

Mum announces she is to step back from making dinners

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has announced she is to step back as senior meal-preparer from her family because she can no longer be ars*d.

Man doing Veganuary sustained entirely by Greggs

A MAN taking part in Veganuary is doing it entirely from Greggs’ vegan range, he has confirmed.

Grown man still incapable of putting right amount of milk in bowl of cereal

A MAN in his late 30s still either overestimates or underestimates how much milk his cereal will need every single morning, he has confirmed.

Woman who thinks tofu is disgusting can't get enough of sausages

A WOMAN who claims eating condensed soy milk is ‘unnatural’ finds tubes of compressed lips, eyelids and sphincters delightful.

Man with broken toaster resigns himself to starvation

A MAN whose toaster has broken has admitted that he now has no idea what to base meals around.

Newly-vegan student home for Christmas lasts three days before eating sausage sandwich

AN 18-YEAR-OLD who turned vegan in his first term of university has managed three whole days at home before eating sausages.

Fancy man eats vegetables

A FANCY man eats vegetables for lunch, it has emerged.

Fancy bread doesn't even fit in toaster

A LOAF of artisanal no-knead sourdough bread is too fancy to fit in a toaster, it has been confirmed.

Yorkshire cream tea is white bread, margarine and long-life milk

THE Yorkshire Tourist Board is promoting a cream tea consisting of white bread spread with Stork and served with a jug of long-life milk.