Food

A WOMAN has thought of a pizza she enjoyed in a popular chain restaurant five weeks ago and smiled to herself.

EVEN during lockdown there are things lurking in your kitchen you'll never touch. Here are the 'store cupboard favourites' that will remain uneaten forever.

A MAN who puts his sleeve over his hand to open the front door is still eating pizza made by five teenagers on minimum wage.

A WOMAN is horrified at the sheer amount of crap she eats on a daily basis now she is at stuck at home.

A MAN has booked a Morrisons home delivery which should arrive late next year.

POPPING to the shops but worried police will judge your beer and crisps non-essential? Try these to make your basket purposed and focused.

THE owners of allotments have ordered the rest of Britain to bow down and give them nuff respect for their mad veg-cultivating skills.

BRITONS are physically incapable of having nice food or booze in the house without shoving it down their greedy throats, they have admitted.

THE UK’s convenience stores want to tell customers they have shelves groaning with pasta but cannot be heard over the noise of fighting outside Tesco.

MILK and bread will be the next victims of needless panic buying, Britain’s moronic stockpilers have confirmed.