POPPING to the shops but worried police will judge your beer and crisps non-essential? Try these to make your basket purposed and focused.
Buy paracetamol
A cheap and cheerful way to transform your snack run into a life or death mission for medicine. If they’re sold out, which they probably are, vocalise your frustration so the staff don’t mind as you pick up another bag of Flamin’ Hot Tangy Cheese Doritos.
Wear a hazmat suit
We’re all used to face masks, so up the game with a hazmat suit. Nobody’s going to question the buying habits of an oddball who looks like they’ve wandered out of Chernobyl.
Pretend to be a key worker
Key workers are keeping the country running, so by pretending to be one you can get away with buying any old crap. Just describe your fictional job in vague, ominous terms in the queue. It will only cost you your self-respect.
Claim to be shopping on behalf of an elderly person
Nobody will question your six packs of Hob-Nobs and salted caramel cheesecake when it’s for a self-isolated pensioner. Though your copy of Doom Eternal for PS4 might be a stretch.
Extra alcohol
Booze is a tried and tested way of getting through nightmarish situations. Add a few bottles of bourbon to your basket and everyone will admire that you’re taking steps to look after your sanity in this difficult time.
