Food

THESE colossi of chocolate used to walk among us, available for ready consumption. But the bastards took them away.

A WOMAN is always standing directly in front of whatever kitchen drawer her partner needs to open.

DOES your neighbourhood have a hipster food market or a crappy old-school one? Find out with our quiz.

YOU’RE at an event and there’s a buffet. How can you beat everyone else to hog the best stuff? Use these tactics.

JACOB Rees-Mogg has informed his wife and six children that shortages mean their Christmas feast will be a mere 12-bird roast instead of the usual 17.

A WOMAN who eats complete shit all the time is baffled as to why her skin is in such a state.

FEEL like treating yourself this lunchtime? Reckon you’ll give that new place a go? Don’t waste your time because no gourmet meal can beat a sausage roll.

HOW better to rehabilitate vile disgusting stuff than giving it a lovely wholesome name? Here’s five examples that should be put to sleep.

BLUEBERRIES, the small posh fruit that claims to be an antioxidant superfood, have huge egos and a superiority complex, scientists have agreed.

IN DECADES past, loving parents dished up these foodstuffs to their children and somehow they survived. You’d never give this shit to your own kids.