Food

A SELECTION of mixed nuts ostensibly bought for Christmas have appealed to the household to stop deluding themselves and put them in the bin. 

A DAD is getting into the party spirit by doing repeated shots of Gaviscon.

A METROPOLITAN daughter is terrorising her rural family by introducing them to continental Christmas food such as pannetone and stollen.

THE shelves of upmarket supermarkets have been swept clean by panicking shoppers stockpiling brie and cranberry tartlets, retailers have warned.

LOADING your garage with goods with no consideration for others? Here’s how to bugger up other people’s Christmases to the limit.

STUCK in for Christmas just like everyone else? Driven by the overwhelming need to feel in some way superior? Get down to Marks and Sparks for your big shop.

A MAN has been told never to return to Yorkshire after accidentally using the wrong name for his midday meal.

A PINT of Guinness counts as a substantial meal in and of itself, the government has confirmed.

A MAN has bought a six-pack of substantial meals to enjoy during his 40-minute lunch break.

WHATEVER you cobble together in the kitchen will be far inferior to any takeaway. But you still need some excuse for getting yet another chicken bhuna. Try these.