Celebrity

THE Mayor of London has been filmed pulling a pin from a grenade with his teeth, throwing it into a black cab and cycling away before it explodes.

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters.

STONEHENGE is sick of being linked with hippies and wants to rebrand itself as a destination for cool people.

THE Magna Carta is shit compared to the latest photos of Prince George, it has been agreed.

THE Queen’s new open-topped  Range Rover has a machine gun on the rear at her personal request.

FANS of Country Life butter have accused their hero John Lydon of selling his soul to corporate consumerism.

BRITAIN has told the Duchess of Cambridge that her pathetically sentimental baby photos should stay on Facebook where they belong.

KIM Jong-un has admitted that all he can think about is Charlotte Church.

A 54 YEAR-old man from Hertfordshire has revealed he read an entire Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner.

JESUS has returned as a sawfish, spreading his gospel and digging out crustaceans.