Celebrity

THE prime minister has hosted a drinks party honouring the economic contribution made by the country's twats.

CHRISTIAN Bale has become permanently stuck in character as a gifted yet pretentious actor.

THE Queen’s visit to the Game of Thrones set in Belfast was dominated by detailed questions about the show’s sexual content.

WRITER Jeanette Winterson secretly enjoyed a delicious cat-based lunch, it has emerged.

RESEARCHERS have admitted defeat in the search for a picture of Tony Blair looking trustworthy.

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt were last night forced to tell William Hague they planned to spend the evening alone.

THE page boy who fainted during the Queen's speech had been weakened by Prince Philip's vampiric tendencies.

BRITAIN has congratulated the Queen on her new mobile box, with windows big enough so we can see her lovely hands.

SOCIETY is at a point where presenters of light entertainment television are regarded as wise sages.

SPAIN is to get a coronation and some new stamps and post boxes, unlike some other countries with old monarchs.